Stadium Sounds

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had come to Savasana and was ready to surrender but was bombarded with my voice. I remembered my intention, to stop narrating and start listening. The loudest most prominent voice in my head silenced. Wonderful. But that’s when I heard it. A sound as loud as a crowd in a stadium but it was in the distance. I felt the humming that you feel in your head when you are in the middle of a crowd and your eardrums are being blown. It was the sound of a thousand voices. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I realized it was all of my thoughts, layered and whirling around in my mind. A constant buzzing taking place in my mind beyond the narrator, whom I thought was my biggest problem. Panic came over me as I felt short of breath, feeling as though my breath was being divided among each voice and leaving very little left for me. A moment passed and a peace came over me. As though I had found what I didn’t know I had been looking for, something that explained so much and defended me in my more chaotic moments. I mean, who wouldn’t be a little scattered with that playing in their mind?

After hearing a noise this grandiose, one can easily place much more value on silence. Silence calms me and brings me clarity.

If I wasn't motivated enough to commit to a more consistent meditation practice before, I certainly was after this experience. Now I have all the more reason to surrender into my practice and my meditation. The road to stillness is long but the journey is great.